Ruby Wax… all in the mind

Laughter is supposed to be the best medicine, but when modern life drowns out the guffaws, replacing them with the sound of self-doubt, anxiety or burnout, it’s time to make a concerted effort to discriminate between what you listen to and what you ignore.

It’s easier said than done, though, which is why mindfulness, or rather mindfitness, to use Ruby Wax’s preferred term, is such a worthwhile habit to foster. This month Ruby appears alongside her good friend and producer Clive Tulloh at Lincoln’s New Theatre Royal keen to bring her provocative sense of humour and warmth to a live audience. 

You’ll know Ruby for her comedy, but long before she became a comedian, performer and author, her first love was psychology… an interest to which, she says, she was always keen to return.

Latterly, Ruby has become known as a mental health advocate, recognising the need for better recognition and support for depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions following her own experience with depression and a severe mental health breakdown in 2022. Ruby says her interest in psychology began long before fame arrived. 

“I went to Berkeley when I was eighteen and I was studying psychology. So that was my first thing. Then I decided to go visit Europe for the summer and got into drama school and television.”

“I kept thinking I would return to university when I finished with all this. I did not think it would be a career. I didn’t know what I was going to be or do, but I knew I was going to be involved in psychology somehow.” 

That fascination was not abstract or academic; it came from trying to make sense of her own childhood and family life. Her parents were Austrian Jews who escaped Europe in the 1930s and Ruby was a legacy of their own trauma, growing up in a high-stress home.

Her experiences are detailed in the more autobiographical of her books, How Do You Want Me published in 2002, although all of her books have consistent elements of biography, as it was her own experiences as a child that led her to take an interest in why people behave as they do.

“It was early childhood that drove me to psychology. You want to figure out your own mind. I was trying to figure out who was crazy, me or my parents. So I thought if I studied psychology I would figure it out.”

Ruby’s comedy was never merely about getting laughs. It was also about exposing the absurdity, insecurity and fragility hidden beneath carefully constructed public personas, puncturing egos… if you want a barometer of her ability to hone in on which egos need such a prescription, and her efficacy at delivering same, Donald Trump was interviewed by Ruby around the turn of the millennium, and is said to have hated her so much that he threw her off his private jet. She, in turn, described his ambitions toward the presidency as ‘comedic.’ If only we’d listened.

Ruby continued her work as an interviewer, speaking to public figures from O.J. Simpson to Imelda Marcos and Pamela Anderson. She even interviewed Sarah Duchess of York in 1997, attracting over 14m viewers and gaining a nomination for a BAFTA award. Her role as a writer and comedian also led to her work as Script Editor for Absolutely Fabulous alongside Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley across the series’ 39 episodes.

In between her career as a comedian and a writer, Ruby had also continued her psychology studies and began teaching business communication in the public and private sectors for clients like Deutsche Bank and the Home Office, taking on the role of Chancellor at the University of Southampton and achieving a master’s degree in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy from Kellogg College Oxford and a postgraduate certificate in psychotherapy and counselling from Regent’s University London.

In 2016 she published the first of seven books, A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled, and she still lectures in the subject at Bangor University, for which she was awarded an honorary degree in 2022.

Ruby’s experience of mental health awareness is not just academic, but experiential. She has spoken openly about depression and mental illness for many years and she has spent time receiving psychiatric treatment and has written frankly about periods of severe struggle. She remains keen to speak publicly about experiences many people still hide.

“There is no off switch in the brain. We are always in fight or flight mode. What I teach people is how to find the off switch before they tip over. We don’t learn that. In fact we learn from an early age how to over-burden ourselves mentally. We are permanently connected, constantly distracted and endlessly comparing ourselves with each other.”

“We’re always in a state of competing with people we have never even met. We are always wanting something. Brilliant people are not just taking our money anymore, they are taking our attention. That is your most precious commodity.”

For Ruby, mindfulness as a concept can be over-applied, packed up and sold as scented candles or mindful colouring books for adults, something vaguely spiritual. But at its core, it’s practical, disciplined and grounded in neuroscience.

“I teach people how to regulate stress and become more aware. If your brain is like a wild horse, it is learning to say whoa and tame it a little so you can become the driver.” “Mindfitness gives you the ability to pause before you react. You check your mental habits and your mental state. You take a little internal weather report before deciding how to respond.”

Ruby speaks particularly passionately about the pressure placed upon younger generations. “In the old days there was a script. You knew what was expected of you. Now nobody knows anything. Nobody knows how to date, how to be married, how to be a parent. We are all trying to figure it out for ourselves.”

“They are learning subjects that might not even exist when they are adults. There is just too much information now. Too much pressure. Parents really have to understand how young minds work because children absorb your habits.”

Ruby knows what it means to struggle internally whilst trying to maintain an outward performance. She knows what it feels like to appear successful whilst privately fighting exhaustion or despair. Even now, despite decades of experience, she says managing her own mind remains a daily discipline.

During the course of her writing, Ruby has spoken with Buddhist monks, and neuroscientists, tried Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation and has worked with organisations providing help and support for mental health from Mind to Rethink Mental Illness to the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) to Sane and Hub of Hope. But she also champions meditation and mindfulness, advocating self-care too.

“It’s also an ongoing commitment to yourself to look after your mental health as best you can, even into adulthood,” says Ruby. “I don’t claim to have mastered life or solved anxiety. But I can offer something far more useful, which is permission to be imperfect.”

“Mindfulness has to be rooted in self-compassion. You are not your thoughts. Whatever happened to you is not necessarily your fault. Sometimes it is evolution, genetics or the way your brain works. You learn to forgive yourself.”

“I still have to meditate every day because my mind is unruly like everybody else’s. Otherwise I would just keep ruminating until I burn out. You are dealing with competition, ageing, needing to be funny, trying to make sense of everything. Mindfitness allows you to reset, so you can take on the next day.” 

Ruby’s most recent book was I’m Not as Well as I Thought I Was, and details her breakdown in 2022. “Checking into a mental clinic wasn’t exactly on my radar in 2022. Writing about it wasn’t either. But that’s what happened,” she says. “I begin the book trying to find meaning by going on various, life-changing journeys, I ended up in a mental clinic; obviously things didn’t work out the way I expected. The book tells the story of what happened after a mental car crash.”

“I’m not a fiction writer so I couldn’t fake the experience or the outcome. The truth is I’m not as well as I thought I was. And still today trying to stay sane in a completely chaotic world makes life incredibly difficult, so for others who are confronting unanticipated, or anticipated, mental health struggles of their own, I hoped my words might provide reassurance and guidance, and that was what motivated me to write the book.”

In addition to her book and her upcoming 34-date live tour, Ruby also provides an online Six Week Mindfulness Guide for Survival, and mental health wellness retreats. 

The latter takes place at locations including Wild Minds retreat in Somerset, and at Belcombe Court in Wiltshire. In addition, and perhaps most surprisingly, she also hosts day retreats from her home in Notting Hill, where visitors spend time with Ruby, eat a nourishing lunch and learn the mindfulness practices and cognitive tools necessary to benefit from the principles of mindfulness.

I put it to her that your own home is a very personal space to invite people into, to which she responds that the environment is an asset, as it feels more intimate, and she likes being surrounded by people… she also reckons that she always wanted to live in a commune, so perhaps it’s the next best thing.

Meanwhile her appearance in Lincoln this month has a thread of mindfulness running throughout, but remains a show grounded in comedy and warmth. “The tour is hilarious. It is comedy. Smart comedy. We show clips people have never seen before and tell the stories behind the stories. You get to see what fame really was and the price people paid for it. You really see who lasts and who gets caught up in their own image and burns out.”

Audiences expecting a sombre lecture on mental health should think again. What made Ruby a compelling interviewer was her ability to understand human behaviour and spot contradictions in the people sitting opposite her.

If laughter is the best medicine, there are few people better to give you a shot in the arm than Ruby. Serious and morose this is not… life-affirming and genuinely beneficial are where Ruby’s intentions remain, with help delivered in a way that’s very human.

“Expect laughter, honesty and perhaps a few useful lessons about how to survive the chaos of contemporary living without losing your sense of humour!”

Ruby’s Tips for Mindfitness

Train your mind daily: Just a few minutes of mindful breathing each day can improve focus and reduce stress. Treat mental fitness like physical exercise.

Don’t believe every thought: Negative thoughts are not facts. Learn to notice anxious or critical thinking without letting it take over.

Pause before reacting: When stressed, stop for a moment and take a breath. Creating a pause helps prevent emotional overreaction.

Reduce mental clutter: Avoid constant scrolling, multitasking and overstimulation. Quiet moments help the brain recover and reset.

Be kinder to yourself: Self-criticism increases anxiety. Speak to yourself with the same patience and understanding you’d offer a friend.

Use humour: Ruby believes laughter helps break cycles of worry and puts problems into perspective, making life feel lighter and more manageable.

Ruby’s tour, Absolutely Famous, reaches Lincolnshire on Saturday 27th June, when she appears at Lincoln’s New Theatre Royal, £37/adult. Ruby’s books and tickets for the tour are available
at www.rubywax.net.